Comments on: Stepmoms, What was YOUR wedding like?

By: ann

ann — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 16:54:06 +0000

I am reading these comments with interest. I am getting married in three months. Just having a very small wedding with about 30 close family. My teenage children are fine with the wedding, but his two college age daughters are essentially estranged from him at this point. The oldest only calls him for money and this has been for years. It seems that the younger isn’t speaking with him really since I came into the picture several years ago. What litttle contact I have had was witness to them acting out their anger on their father and I am worried about inviting them to our small affair. I don’t want our wedding to be used as a forum for their venting against their father yet I do feel that if they are not invited that is wrong. Help?

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By: ¤ Best Maid of Honor Wedding Speeches ¤

¤ Best Maid of Honor Wedding Speeches ¤ — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 05:45:08 +0000

[...] Wednesday Martin» Blog Archive » Stepmoms, What was YOUR wedding like? [...]

By: Gabriella

Gabriella — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:03:32 +0000

We included our children, I have a son then 16 and he has three children 10, 8 and 3 at the time and we included them in everything, they were our only attendents, we had the sand ceremony to unite our two families, it was a true blending and at the reception we had a blast, the kids requested songs and danced with us, they had sparkling cider, my son even helped feed my husband cake, it was all in fun! The kids had a great time but did have a couple of meltdowns prior and a lot had to do with their mom and feeling sad for her that she hasn’t met anyone yet, which is understandable. The youngest played with his cars during the ceremony but when it came time for him to pour sand with my son and I he was right there, it was a truly joyful day and NO I did not invite my husbands ex, if I were her I wouldn’t have wanted to be there and I feel that it only makes the children more uncomfortable.

By: Peggy

Peggy — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:41:10 +0000

Wednesday – when I married Richard, I married the love of my life. He had the wedding with all the trimmings with his first wife. I did not. And it meant so much to have my dad walk me down the aisle. So we had a wedding with all the trimmings. My bridesmaids were my two daughters and my two stepdaughters. My maid of honor was my step sister. My flower girl was my niece. The best man was Richard’s ex-wife’s oldest brother. Two groomsmen were another brother and her step brother. Two more were my oldest stepson and one of my brother’s. Our ring bearer was Junior…my youngest stepson.

Yes…Richard’s ex was invited to the wedding. My ex was not (my family would have hanged me). His ex missed the wedding but showed up at the reception (she got stuck behind a car accident). Her parents and stepparents are in my extended family photographs as is my own stepmom (I have two, but stepmom #1 is MOM).

I’ve heard that Richard’s ex cried at our reception. I was pretty much oblivious to the actions of others, but her mom confirmed that she did cry because in her 17 year marriage to Richard, she never had what I have with him. She finally saw the man that I saw right from the start.

I look back at my wedding scrapbook and realize what a fabulous day of celebration it truly was. I have pictures of our six kids dancing together in a big circle. My youngest daughter leading the conga line…my oldest stepson and my oldest daughter laughing together…and all four girls goosing each other in the family photos. The older adult kids all get along – it’s just Junior they (and we) have issues with (because he’s The Wild Thing).

By: Ginger Chapel

Ginger Chapel — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:30:19 +0000

I got married a year ago October. It was my first wedding, and my DH considered it his first “real” wedding (his first was a shot gun wedding at the justice of peace). We had a band, food, about 150 friends and family. My SS then 4 was the ring bearer. He did really well, but we had family members waiting in the wings in case the pressure got to be too much for the little guy. None of the ex’s family was there. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. It was primarily about my husband and I, but SS was as involved as a 4 yo. could be.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:31:07 +0000

I have two grown children and my husband had two teenage children when we were married almost 3 years ago. I was not very interested in having a wedding. We both had been married before so why? To me, the ceremony wasn’t important. But my husband never had a wedding. He and BM eloped because her parents were fighting so much about who would attend their wedding. Hello? This should have been a tip off for me.

So wanted to give my husband the wedding he never had. While planning, I was surprised at how excited my daughters were to help. So, I really got into it and went all out. The week before the wedding, his son wanted to not be in it (he was the best man.) His daughter, nasty and petulant from day one, was not interested at all. She was one of my brides maids but refused to participate and looked unhappy the entire day. I was so happy, I barely noticed.

I look back at the pictures and amazed. How could I have not noticed her grimace in every photo except a few family shots where she managed a strained smile? It was certainly a sign of things to come.

But back to the wedding. What would I do differently? Maybe marry a man without kids?? I love my husband but I certainly didn’t need to vastly spoiled children set out to destroy our marraige because BM (whom he divorced 13 years before I met him) was crying hysterically that I stole her family. Did I mention she has two children with a subsequent boyfriend?

The wedding itself was magical for both my husband and I. He is very sweet and sentimental and I was glad to give him that gift. I was glad my daughters, friends and family shared in the event. I am even glad I didn’t notice the anger and hostility of his daughter which might have marred the day for me.

I wish I had been more prepared for marrying a man with children but then again, maybe I wouldn’t have done it. I have the worlds best husband and we are committed for life (uhmm, or we wouldn’t have made it this far) but it was definately a bumpy right those first terrible two years.

By: wednesday

wednesday — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:47:14 +0000

Annesa,

Thanks to you and Kathy for introducing me to the concept of feeling “divorced” from his kids. I have a feeling this will be a very important thing for me to be thinking about and could helpful for lots of women to explore.

I will think it over and try to post something. Meanwhile, I would love to read any additional thoughts you might want to share on the topic.
all best, and thanks for reading, wednesday

By: wednesday

wednesday — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:45:28 +0000

Eyes Wide,
Well, that says it all! The Kid’s emotional ups and downs, highs and lows, and ambivalence–and hubby needing to leave midday and see his ex-wife on your wedding day. Modern life is just too weird sometimes. I have always been upfront with my husband about my very primitive, deep blocks about sharing. Stepfamily life has really brought them out for me!

That’s why I understand the impulse to elope. But I am so interested to see the range here–and have unwittingly discovered how much women love to talk about their weddings! Thanks for reading and commenting, and please come back soon.
xx wednesday

By: Eyes Wide Open

Eyes Wide Open — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:06:04 +0000

I love reading all these comments! We had a super small wedding (I’m shy) and gave The Kid the option of attending. He said he didn’t want to because he didn’t want to upset his mom. About two weeks before the wedding, he told his mom he really wanted to come (she didn’t know about the wedding prior to the comment, because we were afraid she was try to trash the day). She said he could and so he was the best man. I have never seen a more genuine smile on his face than the one in our wedding pictures. It was only as the day went on that he started to get tired and anxious about getting home, because he knew he was going to get grilled about the day. He missed the cake, but we saved him a piece and he ate it the next time he came over. The only thing I would have done differently is have someone else drop The Kid off to his mother. Halfway through our lunch, my husband had to leave for an hour to drop his son off. I was surrounded by great company and lots of love, but it still bothered me that he had to see her on our wedding day.