Jacque Fletcher on How to be a Stepmom’s Friend
Wouldn't it be nice if your best girlfriend always gave you the benefit of the doubt when you confided in her about how tough it can be to have stepkids?
Did you ever confide in your best girlfriend about some aspect of stepfamily life that was driving you insane–rejecting, rude stepkids come to mind–only to find her looking at you like you were the Wicked Queen from Disney’s Snow White? It really, really hurts when a trusted confidante doesn’t get where you’re coming from–or, even worse, judges you. Jacque Fletcher has taken on the task of writing up just how to be a good and supportive friend to a woman with stepkids. Pass it along to anyone you think needs to know! Also check out the podcast in which Jacque and I dish about what a good girlfriend shouldn’t say to her stepmom pal: “Don’t take it personally!”
How to be a Stepmom’s Friend by Jacque Fletcher:
http://becomingastepmom.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/how-to-be-a-stepmoms-friend/
Stepmom Circles Podcast: Jacque and Wednesday discuss how it makes a stepmom feel to be told “Don’t take it personally” by people who have no clue–and how to overcome the frustration of being misunderstood:
http://www.cyberears.com/index.php/Browse/playaudio/8065
Tags: blended family, Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom, divorce, family, Jacque Fletcher, podcast, remarriage, remarriage with children, stepmonster, stepmother, stepmother advice, stepmother support
January 7th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Hi Wednesday! Many thanks for the post and I always have a blast on our podcasts. Stay tuned for more of them.
Happy New Year!
Jacque
January 7th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
Diego is not a very good measuring stick for boxing skill
January 8th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
I can usually get over it when a friend is not sympathetic to my step family problems. I chalk it up to ignorance. She hasn’t been there, or she has been there differently, and I’m not overly hurt.
What really bothers me is when the so-called experts don’t get it: the marriage counselors, therapists, self-help gurus, etc. Recently I came across the work of a psychologist (he was featured on NPR) who seems to be saying that problems in marriage are called by women being fearful, and that makes men ashamed! Somehow, no matter how scary the situation is, women should not trigger shame in their partners by letting him know that he’s not being protective enough.
I think I will laugh at this instead of crying about it. I just heard a Charlie Poole song about an epithet on a gravestone that says, “Remember I laughed twice as hard as I cried.” A new motto for stepmothers?
January 8th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Hi Elizabeth
It sounds like the psychologist you mention might be the author of “Why Women Talk And Men Walk”. BTW, in my view that is perhaps the most unfortunate book title in the history of the universe - so bad that I hesitate to display it on my shelf!
Thing is, the research base underlying the scary reductionist message you saw on the teev has some solid basis. Unsurprisingly, there’s quite a bit more to the message than you got to see on the box. Don’t you love how television likes to pass on just the sensation-creating bits of a story?
As a stepmum, I found it really helpful in understanding my partner’s “overwhelm” setting during difficult communications relating to his kids, among other things.
I strongly recommend it. Even with the dippy title.
January 9th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Elizabeth - I agree. With no prior consultation, I had my stepchildren’s school counselor tell them that I was their “weekend Mother” whilst my husband’s ex-wife was their weekday Mother! I had decided early on that I wanted more of an Aunty role and not a “mommy” one. Who knows what else she told them when we weren’t there. It would certainly account for some of the differences in expectations we all had coming into step-life.
March 16th, 2010 at 12:42 am
Hi, Very interesting article you have there. I actually run a couple of blogs on this topic, and since I have found some of your articles very informative I definatelty think that my members would enjoy reading them. With that said I would like to place a link to some of your articles on my blogs since they are more detailed than the information posted on my blogs. Thanks for your help!