It sounds like the psychologist you mention might be the author of “Why Women Talk And Men Walk”. BTW, in my view that is perhaps the most unfortunate book title in the history of the universe – so bad that I hesitate to display it on my shelf!

Thing is, the research base underlying the scary reductionist message you saw on the teev has some solid basis. Unsurprisingly, there’s quite a bit more to the message than you got to see on the box. Don’t you love how television likes to pass on just the sensation-creating bits of a story?

As a stepmum, I found it really helpful in understanding my partner’s “overwhelm” setting during difficult communications relating to his kids, among other things.

I strongly recommend it. Even with the dippy title.

What really bothers me is when the so-called experts don’t get it: the marriage counselors, therapists, self-help gurus, etc. Recently I came across the work of a psychologist (he was featured on NPR) who seems to be saying that problems in marriage are called by women being fearful, and that makes men ashamed! Somehow, no matter how scary the situation is, women should not trigger shame in their partners by letting him know that he’s not being protective enough.

I think I will laugh at this instead of crying about it. I just heard a Charlie Poole song about an epithet on a gravestone that says, “Remember I laughed twice as hard as I cried.” A new motto for stepmothers?

Happy New Year!
Jacque