Tell Me About It: Your Favorite Discussion Board
Reader Ali recently asked me to recommend a discussion board for her so she can connect with other women with stepchildren online. There are so many, a couple of which I have listed on the side of my blog under “resources.”
Online support boards for women with stepkids--are any particularly helpful for you, and why?
Please tell me about the discussion board for stepmothers you like best, and why. That will really help me make a recommendation for Ali–and all the women who come here. Thanks for your help!
If you want to share any details of your use of these online communities, I’d like to hear about it. For example, whether you use them daily or weekly or monthly; whether you are more likely to go on when you are distressed; what you consider positive and negative about connecting with other stepmoms online; and whether you have formed an in-person support group with women you’ve met online or have met any of them in person.
Tags: blended family, chat room, discussion board, divorce, family, online support board, stepmonster, stepmother, stepmother advice, stepmother chat, stepmother support, wednesday martin
January 11th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
I like http://www.stepchicks.ning.com . It is easy to navigate, and there are a lot of discussions going on and I can usually relate to whatever the topic is. Plus the “groups” allow you to connect with other SM’s that share more specific interests. I also like that there is very rarely any “negativity” towards SM’s. I guess because Erin has to “approve you” it keeps people who are just trying to cauase trouble and be rude from coming around.
January 11th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
My favorite is SecondWivesCafe.com. Some lovely ladies on there have helped me change my perspective. They have many specialized groups which help you narrow down to the group with insight into your particular area of difficulty.
My next favorite is StepTogether.org, which I am grateful to because they recommended Step Monster!
My other fave is not related to step families, and yet strangely helpful to me in understanding the dynamics: MotherinLawStories.com. So very, very helpful in trying to make sense out of behaviors and attitudes that don’t make sense.
Thank you for asking. It’s a great question!
January 11th, 2010 at 6:16 pm
My favorite is http://childlessstepmoms.org wonderful women who have been my saving grace more than once in the 5+ years I have known them.
January 11th, 2010 at 6:35 pm
I’ve been a member of steptogether.org for 10 years now. It’s been a mostly daily occurrence, but I have had less and less to say over the years as issues have been resolved and mostly stick around to try and offer advice to new members.
This is a website full of members with constructive criticism, encouragement, support and self-awareness. This is not a place to just whine about your situation and not do anything to change it. Members are held to a higher standard than many other boards I’ve seen – no ex-spouse bashing goes on.
I’ve had the opportunity to meet about 20 members over the past 10 years, as well as participate in a weekend retreat with Sue Patton Thoele through a StepTogether Retreat. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the wonderful women I’ve met along the way in my journey.
January 11th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
I have been a member of StepTogether.org for over 5 years. I visit there on a daily basis. There is a great group of people who support each other through their trial and tribulations with their exes, kids, stepkids and other family members. It is also a great board to have a little fun and joke around, as well as debate the major events that are happening around the world.
January 11th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
It would have to be steptogether.org. I found it in 2001 around 4 months after I became a stepmom to three teenaged boys whose dad had primary custody. The boys are no longer living with us and we managed to work through all our issues over the past 9 years of steplife and come through to the other side as good friends, so I don’t need the board for advice now. But it’s the first site I go to every morning to see how my friends are doing, and when I feel like I have something to offer, I try to share it. This board literally saved my marriage more than once in the early years.
January 11th, 2010 at 11:15 pm
I’ve been a member of SMOMS.org (Stepmoms on a Mission) founded by Cathryn Bond-Doyle ten years ago, since June 2007. I’ve been one of the lead moderator’s there since the summer of 2008 when Cathryn had to take a leave of absence.
SMOMS saved me from prison…ok, not that drastic, but Junior’s issues came roaring to the surface just as his mom was divorcing her second husband and she sort of went off the deep end for a bit. He took it out in my home…and it was pretty bad…Cathryn’s site saved my sanity.
Nearly three years later, Junior’s doing fabulous and his mom has righted her own ship. So now, I’m there to offer help in any way I can.
January 11th, 2010 at 11:37 pm
Another fan of steptogether.org here! It’s maybe the only thing that has kept me sane these past 3+ years. I’ve come to rely on it for advice, support, and a laugh whenever I need one. (Not to mention a kick in the pants, even when I don’t want one!)
January 11th, 2010 at 11:41 pm
It would be steptogether.org hands down.
I have been a member for quite awhile and visit daily.
I have learned so much from others situations and perspectives.
Of coarse the other forums are extrememly enjoyable and informative.
Now that my own step problems are pretty well out of the way , I go to support others and keep up with my friends.
January 12th, 2010 at 12:22 am
Steptogether.org has been a valuable resouce for my family and I for the last 8+ years. I’ve read almost daily during this time. There is always something to learn from. If it’s not something I can use at the time, it’s something I can file away to helpout later. I honestly do not know what type of stepmother I would be or what type of stepfamily I’d have without steptogether.org.
January 12th, 2010 at 6:47 am
wow, my comment disappeared. I must hang out somewhere unpopular! LOL
January 12th, 2010 at 8:14 am
Anna,
I’m so sorry! Sometimes comments disappear into the spam filter. Will you please re-post which board you like and why? Many thanks, wednesday
January 12th, 2010 at 8:29 am
I’ve been a member at StepTogether.org for over 3 years. I’m a mom and a stepmom and found that the other boards were very critical of one or the other and had a one-sided view that wasn’t helpful. At StepTogether, we have both (and dads too!) We learn so much from each other and everyone is encouraged to see things from others’ perspective. I’ve seen so many people improve their situations with encouragement and sometimes a bit of tough love. Members are supported through the tough times in their lives and share in the joy during the good times.
I visit nearly every day usually and have met in pweson with three different women from the board. I joined before I married, which was invaluable. I read and read and learned how to do things better from the start. I often refer to people and situations from StepTogether when speaking with my husband, so he learns too! He agrees, it has helped us be a better couple and family.
January 12th, 2010 at 11:27 am
I have been with SMOMS.org for many years now. I find it a supportive and welcoming place. It has helped preserve my sanity and my sense of humor.
January 12th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
I log into smoms.org every work day and “catch up” as I have a few minutes or on break time. It doesn’t give me enough time to post really thoughtful posts, but it does allow me to keep up with my friends and to pass along the few pieces of stepfamily living wisdom I have! smoms.org is very supportive and welcoming, and I also appreciate the creativity of suggestions and variety of points of view.
4 of us from smoms.org will be meeting this Saturday. I’ve also started an in-person, local stepmother support group because I believe that every woman in a stepmother role deserves support.
January 12th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Any recommendations for a forum specifically on the topic of living fulltime with husband’s adult kid/s? I am not a bio mom. I feel at times I’m in a complicated situation and could use some support / advice from others in similar circumstances.
January 12th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
Wow – I’m printing this out and keeping it close at hand to share with the stepcouples I see. Great information about valuable resources. Thanks, Wednesday
January 12th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
I invite all of you to check out stepsforstepmothers.com. I created this website in May of 2004 to research a self-help book for stepmothers, and began the online chat room as a way to thank the stepmothers who filled out my online questionnaire. While it operates under the radar, it has a consistent following of women who really help each other through some rough times, and many of you might like it as well. I believe in peer support, and am grateful that stepmothers now have different sites to turn to for help. Thanks Wednesday for bringing up this important topic for us.
January 12th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Hi everyone,
My question is slightly off topic, but since there’s so much traffic here today, I’m hoping that you smart women can help me out. Perhaps you can direct me to the best resource for this, if not offer some straight out advice. For 10 years, we’ve had joint custody of my stepdaughter, a 50/50 split, and for 10 years, her mother has claimed her as an exemption. I think the exemption should be shared. My husband has been reluctant to raise the issue with his ex because he thinks that he has no claim to it since it was never written into the divorce decree that they share the exemption. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions or can you direct me to helpful resources? Thanks. And keep on keepin’ on everybody–you’re all fantastic!
January 12th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Kathy,
Sorry to butt in, but do you have a subscription to Stepmom Magazine? Their legal expert is excellent and may be able to help you…she has a monthly column complete with contact info.
xx wednesday
January 13th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
thanks to you all for your input here. I will post some recommendations in the next day or two. it’s good to have feedback about sites that help you feel supported.
xx wednesday
January 13th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Wow! It’s like Christmas again around here. Thank you so much, Wednesday, for posting my question and to all of you fellow stepmommas for all of these fantastic resources. This is really, really wonderful. Many, many thanks.
January 19th, 2010 at 10:04 am
For almost 2 years now, Childlessstepmoms.org has been my constant companion. It’s a safe place to discuss any issue or to share positive feedback and feelings. I give it most of the credit for keeping my sanity over the last couple years. I found a very welcoming community there. Love it.
January 21st, 2010 at 11:47 am
I visit this website for every issue I deal with in my life, whether it pertains to step-life or not! All of the member are or have been stepmothers, but we support eachother in so many ways in addition to dealing with issues of step-children, ex-wives, husbands, and feeling “second.” There are forums for everyone about everything in your life, and I have always found an outpouring of support. The cafe administration is exceptionally vigilant at checking out potential members before allowing them to become a part of the community. This ensures that all of us have a save venue to vent and work through our step issues without worrying about them falling into the hands of those who might not understand.
January 21st, 2010 at 12:42 pm
I have been a stepgetherer for almost 10 years now! I am constantly there at work and then log back on at night to see what is up with my girls (and a guy or 2). I have a very strong attachement to most of the members there and have met quite a few! One sister there actually saved my life one night from across the country. I was going through a really tough divorce from the man that caused me to find that site and she put in a few phone calls to make sure I was not alone that night and if she hadn’t I probably would not be here today!!! So that site is more than just a forum. It is FAMILY! I also belong to secondwivescafe! Great site that I am learning to navigate!
January 21st, 2010 at 1:10 pm
I love the Second Wives Cafe – http://www.secondwivescafe.com . I have been a member for 6 years now and I love it! There are so many helpful forums to discuss all aspect of steplife and life in general.
January 21st, 2010 at 1:34 pm
My favorite is SecondWivesCafe.com (no www). I have made many friends and worked through many issues with steplife, husband, stepchildren and the ex-wife. I am a much happier person with the lessons I learned on SWC, and I can always count on getting good advice, even recipes and parenting tips. I have been on SecondWivesCafe.com for almost five years and love it!
January 21st, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I would highly recommend secondwivescafe.com; it’s a great resource, there are women experiencing every part of steplife and there are wonderful women on the board who can really help you with their own experiences.
January 21st, 2010 at 5:05 pm
My favorite step moms website is secondwivescafe.com, I have been openly welcome into a community that many know nothing about. The ladies have great advice and have talked me off the ledge a time or two.
January 21st, 2010 at 5:51 pm
I have to echo recommendations for secondwivescafe.com. It provides a breadth of advice and support on many aspects of steplife, in a very secure environment. I feel welcome, safe and understood there. There are so many complex issues in steplife, and it’s easy to feel that you are alone or the one with issues. This site has saved my sanity many times over.
January 31st, 2010 at 3:39 pm
I used to be on SecondWivesCafe.com, but found it to be a lot less secure than the admins would have you believe. When I was there, they did a lot of post editing, too. I thought it was overmoderated.
January 31st, 2010 at 4:32 pm
I have been a visitor to a few different sites, but hands down, stepmomstation.com is the nicest and most welcoming community out of all of them.
January 31st, 2010 at 6:24 pm
I’m sure there are many out there. I am going to check out a few that have been listed. I used to be part of SecondWivesCafe but they didnt allow us to post how we really felt about things. We had to sit back and allow people to post about the hatred they felt towards their skids, and the ex and how they perpetuated horrible experiences. You were NOT allowed to make positive corrective posts if it might hurt that persons feelings.
Many of my posts were edited to eliminate words which changed the context of what I had written. Then when I ventured out there to find other support sites, we were told that if we belonged to more than one site we were no longer allowed at SWC.. Seemed rather controlling to me. I thought they were the end all at the time but it is amazing how freeing it was to find a real support site. It was almost like leaving an abusive marriage!
I have checked out Stepmom Station
February 1st, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Beware of secondwivescafe. They are very vindictive. When you give info to the “do not admit” list, such as your husband’s ex, they ask for the name and phone # of anyone you don’t want to join (like his ex). If you piss someone off, they will then send copies of your posts where you have complained about your skids or his ex to the address that you provided for the “do not admit” list. This happened to someone I know personally, it’s true.