Comments on: “I’m Not a Stepmonster!” Interview on Blogtalk Radio Monday March 1 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/ Official Blog for the Author of Stepmonster Wed, 08 Feb 2012 21:59:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: adult stepchildren http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-14354 adult stepchildren Sun, 28 Mar 2010 00:51:54 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-14354 [...] the harder it is for her ever to draw the line or be taken seriously as an adult with authority. ...Wednesday Martin Blog Archive I'm Not a Stepmonster ...adult stepchildren blended family Carol Marine CBC Radio Constance Ahrons divorce divorce ... The [...] [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The comment's server IP (98.240.245.202) doesn't match the comment's URL host IP (74.52.116.226) and so is spam. [...] the harder it is for her ever to draw the line or be taken seriously as an adult with authority. …Wednesday Martin Blog Archive I’m Not a Stepmonster …adult stepchildren blended family Carol Marine CBC Radio Constance Ahrons divorce divorce … The [...]

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]]> By: Peggy http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12841 Peggy Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:34:52 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12841 Dear Wednesday, You were so amazingly fabulous! For anyone who didn't get to listen live, the show is recorded and can be listened to over and over and over and over (there I go with my Stepmonster crush) again - readers can access the recording on Erin's blog, http://erinexperiment.com or my blog, http://thestepmomstoolbox.com or from our radio show page, http://blogtalkradio.com/thestepmomstoolbox or on iTunes (so many options!) I'll send you some dates this weekend - can't wait to have you on again! xo Peggy Dear Wednesday,

You were so amazingly fabulous! For anyone who didn’t get to listen live, the show is recorded and can be listened to over and over and over and over (there I go with my Stepmonster crush) again – readers can access the recording on Erin’s blog, http://erinexperiment.com or my blog, http://thestepmomstoolbox.com or from our radio show page, http://blogtalkradio.com/thestepmomstoolbox or on iTunes (so many options!)

I’ll send you some dates this weekend – can’t wait to have you on again!

xo
Peggy

]]> By: admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12723 admin Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:40:32 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12723 Talia, It is no fun to feel unwelcome or unsafe even in your own house. I'm sorry for your recent stress with your husband and stepchildren, truly. Sounds like you feel through investing time and energy in a relationship with your stepkids. Time to acknowledge that, and strategize about how to redirect your energy and your focus. Disengaging is a very legitimate strategy that you might find helpful. There is a section on disengaging in my book Stepmonster that I think you might find helpful. Have you had a look at the National Stepfamily Resource Center website, with listings of certified stepfamily therapists in your area? I would like to see you find some support, a sounding board, a person who understands the issues and will help you advocate for yourself in your household. best, wednesday Talia,
It is no fun to feel unwelcome or unsafe even in your own house. I’m sorry for your recent stress with your husband and stepchildren, truly.

Sounds like you feel through investing time and energy in a relationship with your stepkids. Time to acknowledge that, and strategize about how to redirect your energy and your focus. Disengaging is a very legitimate strategy that you might find helpful. There is a section on disengaging in my book Stepmonster that I think you might find helpful. Have you had a look at the National Stepfamily Resource Center website, with listings of certified stepfamily therapists in your area? I would like to see you find some support, a sounding board, a person who understands the issues and will help you advocate for yourself in your household.
best, wednesday

]]> By: admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12722 admin Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:37:06 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12722 Meg, Please email me at wednesday@wednesdaymartin.com with a few more details and I will be happy to try to make a referral for you in SF. The issue of men feeling they're being asked to "choose" is common--and frankly really, really difficult. Yes, this is something to work through with a counselor who really truly knows his or her step-stuff. At the risk of sounding shamelessly self-promoting, have you asked your husband to read chapter 5 of my book, which addresses why men feel "torn"--and gives some suggestions about how to proceed? Also chapter 6 which has suggestions for working on your remarriage with kids? And have you and your husband looked at the work of John Gottman? He is one of my favorite couples therapists and I think the two of you might enjoy his books. Finally, with teen stepkids you are really in the very worst of it. I don't want to sound Pollyanna-ish, because I know what it is like to have teen stepkids. But the truth is, you are approaching "light at the end of the tunnel" time so try, the most infuriating or difficult moments, to stay focused on this. It WILL get better as they segue into a new developmental phase, and you WILL find help over the next weeks. Again, email me so I can think about the referral a bit more. -wednesday Meg,
Please email me at wednesday@wednesdaymartin.com with a few more details and I will be happy to try to make a referral for you in SF.

The issue of men feeling they’re being asked to “choose” is common–and frankly really, really difficult. Yes, this is something to work through with a counselor who really truly knows his or her step-stuff. At the risk of sounding shamelessly self-promoting, have you asked your husband to read chapter 5 of my book, which addresses why men feel “torn”–and gives some suggestions about how to proceed? Also chapter 6 which has suggestions for working on your remarriage with kids? And have you and your husband looked at the work of John Gottman? He is one of my favorite couples therapists and I think the two of you might enjoy his books.

Finally, with teen stepkids you are really in the very worst of it. I don’t want to sound Pollyanna-ish, because I know what it is like to have teen stepkids. But the truth is, you are approaching “light at the end of the tunnel” time so try, the most infuriating or difficult moments, to stay focused on this. It WILL get better as they segue into a new developmental phase, and you WILL find help over the next weeks. Again, email me so I can think about the referral a bit more.
-wednesday

]]> By: Talia http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12712 Talia Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:08:54 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12712 Dear Wednesday, I am hoping you can help me! I really do not like my stepchildren and don't want to. I do not like the way they treat me, my girls, my house/property, in short...not.one.thing. (the way they talk, eat, act - really nothing!) I do NOT want a relationship with these people (I tried, really I did but believe the hurt and lack of appreciation is just too deep.) This makes for a very stressed household when it is his week. I feel myself tense and become stressed. I have even secured a second job to give me a 'legitimate' reason for not being around when it is my husband's week. I work constantly and feel resentful that I have to leave my own house because they won't. I've had countless conversations with my husband, and he now has turned a deaf ear. I don't want to issue an ultimatum, but can't imagine spending 1/2 of my life (we have them every other week for a week) miserable. Help please. Any and all advice would be welcome! Dear Wednesday,

I am hoping you can help me! I really do not like my stepchildren and don’t want to. I do not like the way they treat me, my girls, my house/property, in short…not.one.thing. (the way they talk, eat, act – really nothing!)

I do NOT want a relationship with these people (I tried, really I did but believe the hurt and lack of appreciation is just too deep.)

This makes for a very stressed household when it is his week. I feel myself tense and become stressed. I have even secured a second job to give me a ‘legitimate’ reason for not being around when it is my husband’s week. I work constantly and feel resentful that I have to leave my own house because they won’t.

I’ve had countless conversations with my husband, and he now has turned a deaf ear. I don’t want to issue an ultimatum, but can’t imagine spending 1/2 of my life (we have them every other week for a week) miserable.

Help please. Any and all advice would be welcome!

]]> By: Meg http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12708 Meg Tue, 02 Mar 2010 18:02:49 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12708 Dr. Martin, I'm reading your book and I'm not sure what I'd do without it. I didn't get to ask a question but next time I would love it if you could talk more detail about family architecture: the primacy of the relationship between husband and wife. Like the guy on page 121, my partner has said, "don't ever come between me and my son- I will chose my son". This is a very delicate subject for us as he has two teen boys. Also, if you know any great couples counselors in San Fran who specialize in stepcoupling. Many say they have experience but. . . Dr. Martin, I’m reading your book and I’m not sure what I’d do without it. I didn’t get to ask a question but next time I would love it if you could talk more detail about family architecture: the primacy of the relationship between husband and wife. Like the guy on page 121, my partner has said, “don’t ever come between me and my son- I will chose my son”. This is a very delicate subject for us as he has two teen boys. Also, if you know any great couples counselors in San Fran who specialize in stepcoupling. Many say they have experience but. . .

]]> By: admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12680 admin Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:26:31 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12680 Talia, I'm sorry we didn't get to your question. I'm going to be on the show again in a few weeks, it seems, since there were so many questions coming in and we couldn't get to them all. Meanwhile, check back here on my blog; your dilemma is a common one and maybe it's best for me to address it in a post over the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading, xx wednesday Talia,
I’m sorry we didn’t get to your question. I’m going to be on the show again in a few weeks, it seems, since there were so many questions coming in and we couldn’t get to them all. Meanwhile, check back here on my blog; your dilemma is a common one and maybe it’s best for me to address it in a post over the next couple of weeks. Thanks for reading, xx wednesday

]]> By: Caroline http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12670 Caroline Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:54:53 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12670 Talia, absolutely. And Caroline, yes I will (and you might also want to check out Susan Wisdom's piece in Stepmom Magazine this month on dealing with teen stepdaughters!) Talia, absolutely. And Caroline, yes I will (and you might also want to check out Susan Wisdom’s piece in Stepmom Magazine this month on dealing with teen stepdaughters!)

]]> By: Talia http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12668 Talia Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:33:34 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12668 Could you discuss (sorry I will be at work unable to listen this evening!) steps that lie. My SD (age 14) lies and steals from my household. I fear leaving her in the house alone as I don't know what she will get into. Dad refuses to confront the issue and doesn't want to discuss anymore. Of course, it isn't HIS stuff she is taking! Thank you! Could you discuss (sorry I will be at work unable to listen this evening!) steps that lie. My SD (age 14) lies and steals from my household. I fear leaving her in the house alone as I don’t know what she will get into. Dad refuses to confront the issue and doesn’t want to discuss anymore. Of course, it isn’t HIS stuff she is taking!

Thank you!

]]> By: Caroline http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2010/02/im-not-a-stepmonster-interview-on-blogtalk-radio-monday-march-1/comment-page-1/#comment-12661 Caroline Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:56:32 +0000 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=830#comment-12661 I am hoping you might talk about teen stepkids? I am at the end of my rope. I have a teen SD, a teen SS, and a teen daughter. It's not just that they are sullen and mope around but also how they fight with one another, experience and create drama and more. I would like to banish them to a desert island on some days and would love some insights! Signed, I feel wicked! I am hoping you might talk about teen stepkids? I am at the end of my rope. I have a teen SD, a teen SS, and a teen daughter. It’s not just that they are sullen and mope around but also how they fight with one another, experience and create drama and more. I would like to banish them to a desert island on some days and would love some insights! Signed, I feel wicked!

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