Comments on: Love, Sex, Romance, Marriage: Is Marriage Necessary? on psychologytoday.com

By: Friendship is a Secret Weapon : blended family soap opera

Friendship is a Secret Weapon : blended family soap opera — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:34:22 +0000

[...] read this post about friendship on author of Stepmonster, Wednesday Martin’s blog, and decided to share this valuable information about friendship with Today’s Modern [...]

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By: Carolyn R. Sheldon

Carolyn R. Sheldon — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:39:03 +0000

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By: Kalie

Kalie — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:41:44 +0000

that is, garnish my wages for HIS child support. Outrageous if you ask me and many of my friends married to guys with kids have been ruined financially by it. Plus I have to say honestly, I just resent paying for kids who wish I’d disappear.

By: Kalie

Kalie — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:40:45 +0000

Nope, not necessary for me. And when it comes to finances, I have to tell you, I’m not getting married to a guy who owes child support, not in Canada where they can essentially garnish my wages for child support. Not sure what it’s like in the U.S. but it is scary here.

By: admin

admin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:12:23 +0000

Thanks Kathy for your recommendations here, and I wholly agree with them. Must reads for anyone wondering about marriage, or just wanting to be more thoughtful about it.
xx wednesday

By: admin

admin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:11:18 +0000

Wilma,
I’m sure many here will be inspired by the idea of looking to ourselves “rather than outside for what is proper.” And trusting our own guidance as you are doing. Thanks for your example, and thanks for reading and commenting…
wednesday

By: Wilma Ham

Wilma Ham — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 23:27:01 +0000

It is interesting to question institutions like marriage with innocent perception as children can do.
We take so much for granted and that things have to be a certain way, we seldom think things can be a different way.
It suited the religion hierarchy to make us promise to be together in sickness and in health, it suited society to make women loyal.
So we fall for it, hook, line and sinker and we judge and we form opinions based on what society teaches us is proper without observing what is going on for us personally and daring to admit that public opinions are a lot of crap.
What society teaches us changes with what suits the hierarchy, it never teaches what suits individuals.
I will not marry out of principle, I have set my own agreement in place and I am finding my own way of living life which my heart can agree with.
We have bought into so much nonsense, I am stripping it back layer for layer to find what is useful for my life.
That required learning to trust my own thoughts, as I no longer could look outside for what is proper. But I am finding that I am trusting my own guidance about what is ‘proper’ more and more and guess what, my own ‘what is proper’ feels a lot more proper.

By: Lynne

Lynne — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 00:52:52 +0000

The John Edwards and Mark Sanford stories freaked me out I have to admit. And made me feel a little bit hopeless about marriage. What is it that when a man gets power he so often cheats and even starts another “secret family”?!

My marriage works but I don’t think marriage is relevant like it was for my mom. Even in the 60s marriage was about “his and hers roles”–now all that’s less clear. A confession: I do sometimes wonder if like would be easier unmarried! I guess that’s a luxury that women didn’t have before!

Oh, previously in history I guess there were no ex-wives, right? Because women died in childbirth and that’s the reason men remarried? So maybe that’s why women were marrying guys with kids left and right, too–not so scary to contemplate when there’s no ex in the picture!

Thanks for the great articlee. I have a headache!

By: admin

admin — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:51:42 +0000

A commenter on my psych today blog put it really well: “we all acknowledge that we bring baggage to our marriages, but it’s funny we don’t acknowledge the baggage that the institution of marriage brings to our marriages.”

I agree with Kathy–”Writing a Woman’s Life” and “Why I Want a Wife” are great for anyone’s reading list. The part of stepmothering that is gender-bound and institutionally defined is less explored than the emotional aspects and psychology of the “role.” We talk about our feelings and struggles, but it changes things to see them in historical context–at least it does for me.

Very funny Jill! In that way that true things are very funny….! As in tragi-comic…

By: Jill

Jill — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:25:42 +0000

You know what the decline of marriage would mean?!? No more stepmoms! At least no more “official” stepmoms. Maybe that would be a wonderful, wonderful thing…