Get Happy, Get a Free Book–The Happy Stepmother by Dr. Rachelle Katz
Tell me what makes you happy and win a free copy of this great book
I’m giving away a free, autographed copy of a great book!
My friend and colleague Rachelle Katz, Ed.D, LMFT (that’s licensed marital and family therapist to you and me) is a stepmother and therapist who has been studying and supporting stepmothers for years. She founded stepsforstepmothers.com, a popular website and message board for stepmothers, and she also runs a monthly group for women with stepkids in her Manhattan office. Her book The Happy Stepmother is now available!
I know Rachelle and can vouch that she is, in fact, happy. That’s because she knows how to be a stepmother without going crazy. Rachelle’s book is one of the few research-based, stepmother-centric books out there. And it’s truly a breakthrough because it’s based on her very own comprehensive questionnaires and interviews with 3,500 women with stepchildren. Rachelle spoke to you and women like you to figure out what you want and need in your remarriage or repartership with kids, and how you can get it. Rachelle emphasizes self-care, boundaries, and ways to strengthen your marriage or partnership.
I’m giving away a free, autographed copy of The Happy Stepmother. Just post a comment here on my blog telling me what makes you happy (that gets you thinking, doesn’t it?) I’ll randomly select one commenter to receive Rachelle’s book.
Tags: blended family, divorce, family, Rachelle Katz, remarriage, remarriage with children, stepchildren, stepmonster, stepmother, stepmother advice, stepmother support, The Happy Stepmother, wednesday martin
May 6th, 2010 at 10:09 am
my 2 little angels make me happy. spending time with them is always a joy and lifts my spirits. i am thankful that i met my husband because without him i wouldn’t have them.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:11 am
I know this is horrible, but: the weeks my step son is with his mother. I can enjoy my children and my husband without the drama.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:16 am
Seeing my husband’s and my girls play with their stepbrother. They love him to bits and he is so good to them (in spite of the 20 year age difference!).
May 6th, 2010 at 10:18 am
I feel happiness when my husband spontaneously gains insight into the difficulty inherent in being a stepmom! No matter how many times I have explained, cried, complained, or whined about it, I often feel that he is just blinded. Then, when I least expect it, he’ll make a comment or support me in some other way that lets me know he realizes. These moments of support bring on a feeling of validation like the sun peeking out of the clouds after a rainstorm!
May 6th, 2010 at 10:24 am
What makes me happy are the moments when I realize that no matter what, everything is going to be okay, and I am going to be okay. When I am living in the moment, I know that no matter what my present circumstances, I can live in a new and wonderful world – free from drama, free from my desire to control outcomes, free from the expectations and pressure. In these moments (which can be strung together into hours, days, weeks, and years), I know a new freedom, and I relax, and that allows me to draw the people I love closer to me instead of pushing them away.
My happiness comes from within, is dependent solely upon changing my own attitudes, and relishing the gratitude instead of wallowing in self-pity.
Gratitude is more than an attitude, though, it is an action, and when I live for today my actions can fully demonstrate my optimism, hope, and love.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:34 am
Knowing that my daughter has a good relationship with her step mother and her step dad (my hubby) and that we embrace the fact we are two families and share the responsibility to parent my daughter without jealousy and malice.There is so much peace knowing that we have released her to love all of us. At least I have HALF the battle settled!
May 6th, 2010 at 10:35 am
MW I love your comments! I struggle to get there but you are an inspiration to me now.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:37 am
What truely makes me happy is to sit back and look at the beauty this world has to offer. If you look past the ugly, negativity of the world – there lies such wonder in the small things. Like the fresh air, a baby’s laughter, a couple holding hands, the bird’s chirping. Every night I say a prayer to thank God for the roof over my head, the food in my belly, and the love in my heart. Because we may complain about all the drama life hands us – but to just take a moment to stop & look around at the fortunes we DO have.. things may not seem so bad that day.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:50 am
it makes me happy when I sense that I matter to my two stepchildren, who live full time with us and who I raised together with my husband through their teenage years after their mother died. They don’t need to love me, but seeing something in their eyes that tells me that they care about me is all I need to make me feel happy and content about the situation we are in. It makes it easier to deal with having to give up the wish of children of myself.
May 6th, 2010 at 10:59 am
I love spending time outside after a long day of being chained to an IT desk job. Last night my husband grilled and we sat on our patio and ate a very simple supper at the picnic table he made for me. My 12 year old daughter loved it. We live in the country, so I got to eat dinner with my husband and my daughter and watch the fish jump in the pond and the hummingbirds buzz around. That is bliss.
May 6th, 2010 at 11:00 am
I can’t imagine a better feeling than seeing the kids all playing together and laughing. The little things: a hug out of nowhere, an “I love you,” a drawing….. few things make me more proud to be part of steplife than the unexpected displays of affection. I’m happiest when my husband, our two sons, my stepdaughter, and I are eating dinner and nothing else matters but what is happening right there at the table. That security of knowing we have an unspoken commitment to being a FAMILY, not just a group of people who live together and balance schedules, that helps me know just how worth it blending families truly is. I suppose I’m simple, but it’s rarely simple to blend families in a healthy way, without many obstacles. We all need to seize the little moments.
May 6th, 2010 at 11:14 am
I’m happy whenever I get to be with my husband. He’s my best friend. And since his ex wife has alienated their daughters so much that we haven’t seen them in years, I barely count as a stepmother.
May 6th, 2010 at 11:35 am
Watching my SS and Bio Kids get SO excited when we are getting ready to watch a movie and have a little sleep over….We bring out all of the sleeping bags and we all lay on the floor in fornt of the T.V. and watch what ever movie we all picked out. Eat popcorn…and so on….
Then my SS and bio kids all seem to lay on or around me!! And it never fails that I am always the first one to fall asleep. LOL…But the best part is when I wake up and my kids and husband are all still laying there on the floor out like a light! I love that feeling that the world has come to a stand still even if for just a moment long enough for me to look at my family and thank god that he blessed me with these AMAZING KIDS and an unbleivable husband. Sorry my comment is so long.
May 6th, 2010 at 11:40 am
I am happy when my kids and his kids are playing and getting along. Nothing makes me feel more joy and peace!
May 6th, 2010 at 11:43 am
I am happy by spending the rest of my life with the man I love. I am truly blessed and while at times I forget that, or I lose track of it and let the daily drama of being a stemom get to me I take a step back and think about what got me into this situation to being with. The love for my husband and his family. No matter what my husband is amazing and he loves me more than anything. He does a great job by trying to support and understand the struggles I might have as a stepmom.
Nothing can take that happiness away from me, and I love that. I look forward to all the memories we will have together as a family and hope that one day some of this turmoil will cease and we will be able to just love and appreacite our son, with or without the support of his mother. Life is way too short to let the little things get to you, and I have learned a lot over the past couple of years by being a stepmom. It has taught me a patience I never knew existed and it has pulled at my heartstrings but nothing can take away those little moments when all is right is our little world and my husband and I get to share time with eachother, time with our son, as one big happy family.
Cannot wait to read this book!
May 6th, 2010 at 11:55 am
What makes me happy is knowing that the BM in my life takes up no more thoughts in my head.
It was a long road to get to that point but I can say she is no longer holding up residency in my brain.
May 6th, 2010 at 12:00 pm
What makes me happy is when our “mine, yours and ours” bunch (four girls ages 8, 7, 6 and 2) are all downstairs playing, laughing and getting along.
May 6th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
I get happy and stay happy by being thankful. I have a very very difficult situation, but I don’t focus on that. Ok, I TRY not to focus on that. I TRY to focus on how much I have to be grateful for…and it’s a lot. I have a lot of hardships in my personal life, finances and my family and even more in my professional life, but I honestly have to step away from it all at times, focus on what’s needed. Rather than focus on how bad my job is some days, I’m simply thankful that I have one. Rather than focus on how horrible BM is and how much incredible stress and ugliness she causes, I focus on being thankful that I can handle it and that we will get through it.
It’s hard, but it does work…most of the time.
May 6th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
What makes me really happy is when my step son wants to co conspire with me to do something special for my Hubby, like make breakfast in bed
May 6th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
What makes me happy:
Drinking coffee, sunny days, when my step kids show me they love me, when my son laughs, when my husband does something thoughtful and sweet, when I read a great book, when I get to enjoy a long walk with a good friend, intimate conversations, sand on my feet, a good movie, good food, and enjoying my family.
May 6th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
FORGIVENESS makes me happy. FAMILY makes me happy. Looking FORWARD makes me happy.!
May 6th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Having all my kids together at holidays makes me happy. But daily it’s my morning coffee and time with God in my garden. After that exercise with some really great women and the love and support I get from my hubby.
May 6th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Well…you know I AM Happy – and so excited to have Rachelle on my radio show May 24! She sent me a copy of her book and from what I’ve read already, I love it…and I really do love how much focus she’s put on Self-Care!
May 6th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Oh…but what does make me happy?
The smell of fresh brewed coffee…
The way my husband curls around me when we snuggle…
When my crocus’ start to bloom…I know winter is over (and that’s a very happy feeling!)
Digging in the dirt, planting bulbs, clearing weeds
Walking Ed the Wonder Dog
My Yoga Practice
Thai Kickboxing
My growning family (the grand babies are coming! Olivia turns one next month!!)
And when all the “kids” show up for Thanksgiving brunch – it’s the holiday hubby and I claimed for our family.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
What makes me happy is when my step-adult-children say that they love me. It took some time but I think that they finally understand that I love them both very much and they have come to love me as well. It is like a really warm blanket wrapped around me on a very cold day.
May 6th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
What makes me happy is when my 14 year old stepson says simple things that mean little to him but mean the world to me. For example, “I would never know what class is if it wasn’t for you.” Out of the blue and unsolicited but I will never forget it for as long as I live and no matter what drama happens. That means he respects me and I’m doing something right. Making a positive impact on someone you love warms you all the way through!
May 6th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
It makes me happy when someone looks straight at me, sees my eyes and sees me and says”thank you”. When it happens, it’s as precious as diamonds and lights up my life.
May 6th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
All of these are so inspiring!
I am happy when my family gets that rare perfect day of relaxation and bike riding and park picnicking. I am happy when it is clear my stepson is adjusting well to his home-switching schedule. I am happy when he forces all three of us into a big group hug.
I am happy knowing my partner will back me up when times get tough. I am happy feeling like my life is moving in the direction it should be.
May 6th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
When my stepsons call me for cooking advice, girlfriend gift advice, or calls similar to that I am really uplifted. We’ve come a long way over 15 years to get to this point. I am moved when they ask me for something.
May 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Step-stress is the greatest stress in my life. I love times when I don’t have to think about it.. times when I can just relax.. out on the lake in my kayak.. retrieving jewellery making supplies from the letterbox and having uninterrupted time to create the designs currently stored in my head. Shopping for that perfect item to decorate the house with. Having the freedom of self expression without the stress of having to constantly maintain boundaries against stepchildren and a husband with a pseudo-mommy fantasy role for me to contort myself to.
I’m happiest when everybody else backs the f* off and just lets me be myself. There.. I said it!
May 6th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
I am very happy today, because I am at my farm! today is the first day I’ve been here since March! I got away from the mean ol’ city, and I am surrounded by flowers and dogs and my garden is doing great and I harvested lettuce and ate it, and picked a lot of irises and peed on some earthworms (by accident–they got away).
I saw lightning bugs and stars and heard some geese overhead and saw some trilliums and some poke weed and ate some asparagus and strawberries and cream from cows that eat real grass.
Tomorrow I’m going to fix the road with a pick ax and try to start my truck.
No dominance-submission games going on here.
May 7th, 2010 at 9:42 am
What makes me happy is when our little stepfamily traditions are revealed.
We have always gone for walks in the woods. When springtime comes and we go back in the woods for a walk, our genuine love for each other comes bounding out and we all truly enjoy each other, and remember we always did.
May 7th, 2010 at 10:18 am
What makes me happy:
Spending one-on-one time with my husband.
Training dogs for a living and knowing that I’m helping them to find homes or keep the homes they’ve got.
Hanging out with my own critters.
Being surrounded by the beauty of Nature.
Knowing that I can and do make a positive difference in the lives of the at-risk kids I teach.
May 7th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
[...] Thanks to all of you for entering, and your great comments. If you didn’t win, buy it–you won’t regret it! xx [...]
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