What are the two most powerful words in a remarriage with children?
What are they saying?!
The August issue of Stepmom Magazine is live! In it you will find lots of helpful articles that address the topics that matter to you, including mine on the two most powerful words in a remarriage with children…Mary Kelly-Williams on grief in stepfamilies; Peggy Nolan on remarriage with kids and military deployment; as well as fantastic pieces by Joan Sarin, Susan Swanson, Susan Wisdom, and many other experts on repartnership with children. You’ll have to subscribe to read the articles…but it’s well worth the price. I know, it’s really cheap of me to set you up this way.
Happy reading!
Tags: blended family, divorce, divorce with children, family, remarriage, remarriage with children, step mother, stepfamily, Stepmom Magazine, stepmonster, stepmother, stepmother advice, stepmother support, wednesday martin
August 27th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
I’m finding myself wanting to be thanked for nearly 15 years of unappreciated (feels to me like that, anyway) step mothering. How in the world do I ask my husband to do this? We’re heading into marital counseling in two weeks, and it’s high in my list. The therapist is a Gottman certified one, and I am going to ask her about her understandings of remarriage & stepmothering.
August 31st, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Hi Rebecca,
Sometimes men retreat when they feel their spouse is angry, so use your calmest, most loving voice and present this request as unthreatening, and completely non-judgmental (even though you might feel it, you don’t want to say, “You never thank me! I’m so sick of it I’m going to explode!” because then he’ll retreat for sure!)
Tell him you know it’s hard for him whenever he feels caught between you and his kids, it must be awful, etc. if that’s something you know he feels. Tell him you want to help him to feel less torn, and that you want to build the “team spirit” in your marriage. Tell him that to this end, you are going to try to remember to come right out and thank him every single time he does right by you when his kids are around. And how much it would help if he did the same. Then do it. You might be very surprised how quickly you can built a culture of appreciation in your marriage. Keep us posted! xx wednesday
September 7th, 2010 at 9:22 am
i have tried that, i have done everything including not saying anything to the children but smiling and doing all their laundry, cooking, cleaning, lunch making. i have tried and tried. i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and living with him for one year. the girls dont look at me or talk to me. the 9 year old will if the 14 year old is not around. the 14yr old has now told all his family members how horrible i am and they wont talk to me. he insists on spending vacations alone, dinners alone, and does not treat us like a complete family. i have a 6 yr old that lives with us also and the family is totally separated. he wants me to wait until she goes to college. i cant do that anymore. she fights over whose laundry is now in the machine because i stopped doing her laundry.
i dont know what else to do?