Wednesday Martin

Ah, that hot, vexed topic: money. Divvying it up can be tricky in any partnership. Now throw in some kids from a previous marriage, and it becomes more complicated still. Merged? Partially merged? Totally separate bank accounts? Peggy Nolan and Erin Erickson tackle this topic with their guest Kat Nelson-Reid, a stepmom and financial planner, on tonight’s Stepmom’s Toolbox Radio Show at 8 pm EST. To tune in, click on this link:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thestepmomstoolbox/page/2

You can also check out the interview I did with Erin and Peggy a few months ago.

Happy listening.

Stepmom Magazine is sponsoring another “Ask the Experts” virtual panel. On Thursday July 29 you can log on to the magazine’s facebook page or this link to ask experts including me, Jennifer Newcomb Marine, Joan Sarin, Susan Swanson, Susan Wisdom, and others about steplife. This is a great way to ask those who have walked the walk and done the research about how to get on with it in a remarriage or repartnership with children if you are feeling stuck, frustrated, or just have a question. Hope you will join!

Save the date! Come to New York City! On Saturday, September 25th, I will be co-conducting a three-hour workshop for women with stepkids along with Dr. Rachelle Katz, author of The Happy Stepmother.

Rachelle and I will address the issues that matter to you, provide validation and helpful advice, and help you connect with other women partnered with men with kids.

More details closer to the date. Hope you will be able to make it!

When it comes to roles and responsibilities, stepparenting is as stressful as it gets. I hope you’ll have a look at my latest post for PsychologyToday.com on why you can’t afford to skip a real vacation this year! Once you learn the facts about why you have to do it, tell me here and now: what are your vacation plans?

Sure, it’s a long holiday weekend. BBQs, fireworks…and for some of us in stepfamilies, stress. “Coming together” can be fraught when it’s a yours, mine, and ours situation as in a remarriage or repartnership with kids. That’s why Susan Swanson’s Monday July 5 radio show is so timely. Check out the list of upcoming shows too. Susan is the founder of the Stepfamily Center of Los Angeles, a gifted and experienced therapist–and has walked the stepmother walk!

Like a lot of books for and about stepmothers, books for fathers and books about fatherhood can be a little…trite. And Hallmark card-ish. Or lite. They’re either “funny” or “self-help-y.” Which is fine, if that’s what you want. But if you want a really comprehensive, comparative look at fatherhood, if you want answers to the questions, “What happens to men when they have kids? How does it actually affect them?” you will love a book called Fatherhood: Evolution and Human Paternal Behavior. Don’t be put off by the wonky title. Yes, it’s wonky, but this book is also accessible, fun, and fascinating.

Did you know that becoming a father changes a man’s biochemistry (yep, testosterone levels go down, oxytocin levels go up), rewires his brain, and alters his immune system and his emotions? Sure, a lot has been said and written about the important impact fathers have on the lives of their children. But until now, no one has considered at any length just what the impact of becoming a father is on a man.

This book considers a wide swath of fatherhood–everything from the sperm donor to the stepdad to the gay dad, the divorced dad, and the dad in traditional hunter-gatherer societies. Did you know that men in the U.S. and Western Europe are just about the only ones who “roughhouse” with their kids? That man in Japan spend an average of 20 minutes per day with their kids, while among a tribe of foragers called the Aka in Central Congo, men spend a full fifth of their time in close contact with their kids?

Everything you never knew you wanted to know about fathers is here in this book by anthropologists Kermyt G. Anderson and Peter B. Gray. Check out my interview with Dr. Anderson in the Huffington Post, and purchase Fatherhood: the Evolution of Human Paternal Behavior from amazon.com or your local independent bookseller.

In honor of Stepmother’s Day a few days ago, the person who becomes my 400th fan will receive a free, autographed copy of my book Stepmonster. Just go to www.wednesdaymartin.com/about and click on “become a fan on FB.” Or go to facebook, search “Wednesday Martin author” and become a fan on the Stepmonster page that comes up. Post a comment right here on this blog telling me you’ve done so–and if you’re #400, you win.

If you’re already a fan–tell your friends with stepchildren about the giveaway!

Good luck, and thanks for reading.
xx wednesday

I’ll be answering YOUR questions about being a woman with stepkids on Stepmom Magazine’s FB homepage (thanks Brenda!) today Tuesday May 11 from 10 am to 2 pm.

And I’ll be giving away a free, autographed copy of my book Stepmonster. So come on by, get some free advice, and enter to win.

Jacque Fletcher, author of the important and supremely helpful book Becoming a Stepmom and www.becomingastepmom.com, invited me to discuss “Stepmartyr Syndrome” with her several weeks ago for her terrific weekly podcast series. Here’s the show. Have a listen and then tell me about it: Have you ever done so much for your husband’s kids or your husband and his kids that you started to resent it? What were you doing? How did you change it. Are YOU a stepmartyr?

BioStep! Your name was chosen randomly from the list of commenters. Please email me your street address (wednesday@wednesdaymartin.com), and I’ll pass it along to Dr. Katz. That way you’ll get your free, autographed copy of The Happy Stepmother.

Congratulations. Thanks to all of you for entering, and your great comments.
If you didn’t win, buy it–you won’t regret it!
xx wednesday