Wednesday Martin

Hope you will have a look at my latest piece for psychologytoday.com….on working mothers in America. What’s your childcare situation? How’s it working for you? Have a read…and leave a comment.

No, that’s not a typo. Some of you who read my blog are mothers who also have stepchildren. Some of you are straight up stepmothers, and today is likely more complicated for you than it is for those stepmothers who also have kids of their own.

Yes, I just said that, “kids of their own.” Because as anyone who reads my blog knows, I am not one of those people who urges you to think of yourself as their “other mother” or a mom figure or like a mom in any way. Unless you want a whole world of trouble, loyalty binds, and resentment heaped upon you. Instead, women with stepkids can feel free to consider the whole range of options available to us–from very involved, if kids and their mom are okay with that, to not very involved at all, just a welcoming presence. There’s a whole stepmothering spectrum, and sentimentalizing and romanticizing how the “bond” between women and their stepkids of any age “should” be only sets us up for hurt and disappointment.

If your husband’s kids didn’t call you for Mother’s Day, that might just be the very best development ever. Most likely, they have a mom, and being in touch with you today could make them feel disloyal to her. It’s not about your efforts, which have been wonderful, or your personality, which I know is far from wicked. It’s just that, since parents and stepparents are not the same, it’s different. Happy Other’s Day to you. Because you’re more than “another mother”–you’re a person with the freedom to live this relationship with his kids that way that feels authentic to you.

I’m soooo tired of this royal wedding hubbub, but I had to write about it anyway. Hope you will have a look at my latest post for psychologytoday.com about Camilla, Kate, and the royal wedding…and tell me about it, DO YOU HAVE A STEPFAMILY WEDDING STORY?

Do you do a seder, Easter Sunday, neither, both? Hope you will have a look at my latest post for psychologytoday.com. As it turns out, interfaith couples can learn a lot from stepfamilies…

If you are interested in wife/ex-wife conflict but haven’t yet subscribed to StepMom magazine, where I have an article on the topic, you might have a look at an introduction, heavy on the celebs (LeAnn and Cam), on psychologytoday.com

Let me get something out front: I love Star Magazine. Oh, and Us. I also love The New Yorker and the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage. But I’ve got nothing against lowbrow.

The cases of LeAnn Rimes and Cameron Diaz–one a stepmom, one a woman dating a man with young children–might be spectacularly public, but they’re also universal. Each celeb seems to be incurring the wrath of her man’s ex-wife.

Beyond having been cheated on and dumped, what are the roots of ex-wife resentment? What makes an ex-wife infuriated and irrationally nasty toward the stepmother of her children, even when that woman didn’t break up her marriage? Why does she undermine your relationship with her kids and do everything in her power to make your life hell? Hint: it’s not really about money. I write about where Mommy Tiger is coming from–and what you can do if your husband’s ex has it out for the two of you–in the current, second-year anniversary double edition of Stepmom magazine. You can also read an introduction to the article here, on psychologytoday.com

Women in stressful situations–does that ring a bell?–need social support. So call a friend and meet him or her for coffee and have a chat. Even if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you directly, it can make a big difference. Oh, and don’t forget to read my latest post on psychology.com, about the newest research on siblings and social support!

And TELL ME ABOUT IT: DO YOU TALK TO YOUR SIBLING/S ABOUT ISSUES IN YOUR REMARRIAGE WITH CHILDREN?

Virginia Thomas’s voicemail message to Anita Hill is front-page news. But passive-aggressive girl-on-girl hostility is business as usual. Hope you will check out my latest post for psychology today

And tell me about it: are there passive-aggressive women in your life? How do you handle it?

My friend Deesha Philyaw and her Co-Parenting Radio co-hosts will be featured on CBS’s Early Show Wednesday a.m. Divorce and remarriage with children plus stepparenting on national news–how do you like that? Have a look:

http://coparenting101.org/2010/09/stay-tuned-were-talking-co-parenting-on-cbss-the-early-show/

Also an interview I did with Deesha on co-parenting issues will run on Sept. 26th. Happy viewing…and listening.

Please check out my latest post for psychologytoday.com on the very sad story of the disappearance of seven-year-old Kyron Horman.