Wednesday Martin

The new issue of StepMom magazine is now available. In it, you will find sound advice, compassion and the information you need to keep yourself and your partnership strong. Hope you will have a look at my piece of Disengaging. What are the benefits of doing less in your remarriage with children? Is disengaging for you?

Happy New Year, and happy 3rd birthday to Stepmom Magazine. The January issue has more of what you count on it for…sound advice, reassurance, and insight from stepparenting experts and authors like Mary Kelly-Williams, Susan Wisdom, Jenna Korf and Heather Hetchler, to name a few. Check it out…including my piece, “Pulling the Plug on Perfect,” about how letting go of our fixation on happy endings and blended families frees us up to enjoy our lives and our relationships as never before.

If you’re not a subscriber to StepMom Magazine, here is a chance to read a couple of sample articles from the most recent issue. In one, I discuss the dilemmas of divorced dads on Father’s Day–and the gift your partner with kids will appreciate most of all. Hope you will have a look!

No, that’s not a typo. Some of you who read my blog are mothers who also have stepchildren. Some of you are straight up stepmothers, and today is likely more complicated for you than it is for those stepmothers who also have kids of their own.

Yes, I just said that, “kids of their own.” Because as anyone who reads my blog knows, I am not one of those people who urges you to think of yourself as their “other mother” or a mom figure or like a mom in any way. Unless you want a whole world of trouble, loyalty binds, and resentment heaped upon you. Instead, women with stepkids can feel free to consider the whole range of options available to us–from very involved, if kids and their mom are okay with that, to not very involved at all, just a welcoming presence. There’s a whole stepmothering spectrum, and sentimentalizing and romanticizing how the “bond” between women and their stepkids of any age “should” be only sets us up for hurt and disappointment.

If your husband’s kids didn’t call you for Mother’s Day, that might just be the very best development ever. Most likely, they have a mom, and being in touch with you today could make them feel disloyal to her. It’s not about your efforts, which have been wonderful, or your personality, which I know is far from wicked. It’s just that, since parents and stepparents are not the same, it’s different. Happy Other’s Day to you. Because you’re more than “another mother”–you’re a person with the freedom to live this relationship with his kids that way that feels authentic to you.

Do you do a seder, Easter Sunday, neither, both? Hope you will have a look at my latest post for psychologytoday.com. As it turns out, interfaith couples can learn a lot from stepfamilies…

Money is a big, hot topic in a remarriage with children. Plenty of women feel guilty, confused, and resentful about their own financial well-being after they partner with a man with kids. Read all about it–and topics that matter to you by Mary Kelly-Williams, Lisa Bagshaw, Laura Petherbridge, and other writers who walk the walk–in the April issue of StepMom Magazine. Worth every penny.

In my latest piece for psychology today, how to talk so you your husband will listen, and argue in a way that will strengthen your marriage, rather than sink it. Hope you will have a read…and leave a comment!

Often, we feel that doing more and trying harder is all it will take to “fix” an unhappy stepfamily situation, or a remarriage with children under strain. In my latest post for psychologytoday.com, I write about why doing less is a better tactic. Hope you will have a read…and leave a comment.

Coming soon on Psychologytoday.com, Why women with stepkids should stop being unpaid nannies, maids, chefs and drivers right now.

I will be conducting a workshop with Rachelle Katz in New York City on April 2nd. You and your partner are welcome to attend! Whether your stepkids are four or 45, we will cover the issues that matter to you. Hope to see you there!
click here for more information and to register:
http://www.thehappystepmother.com/resources.html