Wednesday Martin

Susan Wisdom, LPC, is answering a question she hears a lot when she does therapy with couples in repartnerships with children: “How do we balance the needs of his kids with our needs as a couple?”

Have a look at her piece, “Your Needs, the Kids’ Needs–What’s a Stepcouple to Do?”

And let me know: How do you and your husband or partner balance these needs?

I recently posted a piece on my blog that summarizes the research on how and why friendship is good for you. Now I want to know about YOUR friendships and support networks.

Fun fact: Did you know friendship benefits your health and emotional well-being even if you’re not in regular touch with your friends according to at least one study?

TELL ME ABOUT IT:
How many friends do you have? How many do you feel can listen to you talk about problems you might have step-wise in a supportive, non-judgmental way? When was your last get-together or contact with a friend and what did you do? Are you part of an organization–temple, mosque, church, support group–that gives you a feeling of community and support? Make a plan to see a friend right now, and tell us about what you’ll be doing.

I often find myself in a mind-meld with Kela Price, co-founder of the recently re-named Today’s Modern Family web site (it used to be Blended Family Soap Opera. Being me, I had my reservations about the “blended” part–but felt she and her partner Diane Green were right on target with the “soap opera” half of the equation). Kela and Diane run an informative, supportive site and Kela authored the tremendously popular “Healthy Marriage or Healthy Divorce?” that had us all talking recently.

I love Kela’s piece, “Why Did I Get Married?” and feel it’s the perfect follow-up to my recent ruminations about whether marriage is “necessary.” Thanks to Kela for permission to run the piece, and to Kela and Diane for serving all the modern families they do. Check out Kela’s article…and leave a comment!

http://www.todaysmodernfamily.com/index.php/2005

For any Canadian blog followers and FB fans, please tune in to your local CBC radio station tomorrow a.m. to hear me talk about the state of marriage in 2010, which will be running on numerous CBC morning shows nationally ! And call your local CBC station if you’d like them to air the interview.

I’ll be discussing how too often we fail to understand that real marriages between real people are tied to Marriage the social institution. When it becomes less relevant and necessary, we need extra help.

Read the article “Is Marriage Necessary?” here.

As we count down to Valentine’s day in this Love, Sex, Romance, Power series, today I ask the question, “Is Marriage Necessary?” What can psychologists and couples therapists–and married people–learn from the history and sociology of marriage?
Have a look…and leave a comment:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stepmonster/201002/love-stories-is-marriage-necessary

No, that’s not a typo. This post in the Sex, Love, Lust, Romance, Power series as we count down to Valentine’s Day is about something every woman with stepkids need to learn: self love.

As I was researching my book Stepmonster, one woman with teen stepkids told me her secret motto was, “Love yourself because your teen stepkids sure won’t!” Unfortunately this observation often holds true for younger and even older stepkids, too. In terribly loyalty binds, they perceive loving or even liking you as a betrayal of mom. And your efforts to win them over will only exacerbate their internal conflict, and their rejection of you.

Take heart–this is not an impossible bind. In spite of your relational tendencies, your need to have the love and approval of everyone, and the feeling that you have failed if you don’t have it from your stepkids, there is a way around it all. Stop focusing on winning them over. Start focusing on your partnership and yourself.

Self care is an important Valentine’s Day gift I’d like to see every woman with stepkids give herself. Because the research is clear that women who take time away from their stepfamilies and even their partners to go out with friends, read a novel, catch a movie mid-day, go for a walk, meditate, get a massage, and more are the ones with increased resilience in stressful situations–including steplife. No joke: self-love and self-care are your Rx.

Tell me here and now: What will you give YOURSELF for Valentine’s Day, to usher in a year of self-love in the face of the challenges of stepmothering? Check out self-care guru Peggy Nolan’s tips at thestepmomstoolbox.com for ideas if you need help.

As promised, an article about love, sex, and romance in stepfamilies as we count down to Valentine’s Day. Today’s guest post is by Susan Wisdom, LPC. Susan wants to know, Why are you obsessed with your husband’s ex? And she wants you to put your marriage first. Have a look…and leave a comment!:

http://www.stepcoupling.com/2010/01/why-do-you-care-about-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-295

Fourteen days until Valentine’s Day. What does this holiday mean for those of us in a remarriage or repartnership with children?

Over the next 14 days check in for posts about love, sex, romance, passion, and power in a remarriage with children.

Today you can check out my article for StepMom Magazine: “Get It On–Sex and the Woman with Stepkids.” Yes, you’ll have to subscribe to StepMom Magazine to read it–but it’s well worth it. Look for other articles by Mary Kelly-Williams of www.marriedwithbaggage.com, Susan Wisdom of Stepcoupling fame, the fantastic Jacque Fletcher, the witty La Belle Mere, and more. Have a look:
http://www.stepmommag.com/

If you live near Boca Raton or know anyone interested in understanding stepfamilies who does, please pass it along: I’ll be in Boca Raton on January 27, talking about stepfamily and stepmother reality and answering questions for the JCC/ B’nai Torah Synagogue Author Forum Series.

The venue and address:

B’nai Torah Synagogue
6261 SW 18th Street
Boca Raton, FL 33433
(561) 392.8566

Time: 7:30 pm.
All are welcome!

If you’d like a free copy of Stepmonster or know someone who would, click this link to a giveaway…deadline to enter is January 18.

http://chicgalleria.com/2010/01/book-giveaway-stepmonster/