Wednesday Martin » remarriage http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog Official Blog for the Author of Stepmonster Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:17:13 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 What Are Happily Married People Doing All the Time? http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/12/what-are-happily-married-people-doing-all-the-time/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/12/what-are-happily-married-people-doing-all-the-time/#comments Fri, 16 Dec 2011 03:00:53 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1412

Now what? The secret to a happy marriage on psychologytoday.com

If you are married to or partnered with a man with an ex and kids, you need every leg up you can get to keep yourself sane–and keep your partnership alive. Hope you will read my latest on psychologytoday.com. Then tell your husband or partner what happily married people are doing all the time…and leave a comment!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stepmonster/201112/give-it-me-often-the-surprising-secret-happy-marriage

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/12/what-are-happily-married-people-doing-all-the-time/feed/ 2 Call-In Radio Interview for Stepmothers Sept 27 http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/09/call-in-radio-interview-for-stepmothers-sept-27/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/09/call-in-radio-interview-for-stepmothers-sept-27/#comments Mon, 26 Sep 2011 16:00:14 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1399

Testing, testing...please tune in!

I will be discussing the emotional reality of childless and child-free stepmothers with host Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. on her Blog Talk Radio show September 27 at 11 am EST. Hope you will tune in…you can also call into the show to ask a question.

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/09/call-in-radio-interview-for-stepmothers-sept-27/feed/ 1 Stepmothers in History and Prehistory…In Stepmom Magazine http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/09/stepmothers-in-history-and-prehistory-in-stepmom-magazine/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/09/stepmothers-in-history-and-prehistory-in-stepmom-magazine/#comments Thu, 01 Sep 2011 16:28:16 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1388

Plus, she probably had stepkids

The September issues of StepMom Magazine has posted! In it you will find all kinds of informative and helpful articles by stepmothers and stepparenting experts who walk the walk. Mary Kelly Williams on the importance of the couple bond. Heather Hetchler on loyalty binds. Susan Swanson on why women with stepkids need social support–and good girlfriends. And Susan Wisdom in stepparenting teens. And much much more. I do recommend you subscribe today because knowledge is power, and can make this gig a lot less insanity-inducing!

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/09/stepmothers-in-history-and-prehistory-in-stepmom-magazine/feed/ 3 Post a question…get an answer! http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/07/post-a-question-get-an-answer/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/07/post-a-question-get-an-answer/#comments Wed, 13 Jul 2011 19:30:00 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1385

What are your questions?

I am the special guest expert on CafeMom’s Stepmom Central board this week. Hope you will stop by the site and ask a question

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/07/post-a-question-get-an-answer/feed/ 8 What do Divorced and Repartnered Dads Really Want for Father’s Day? http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/06/what-do-divorced-and-repartnered-dads-really-want-for-fathers-day/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/06/what-do-divorced-and-repartnered-dads-really-want-for-fathers-day/#comments Mon, 13 Jun 2011 18:15:59 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1378

What does father want?


If you’re not a subscriber to StepMom Magazine, here is a chance to read a couple of sample articles from the most recent issue. In one, I discuss the dilemmas of divorced dads on Father’s Day–and the gift your partner with kids will appreciate most of all. Hope you will have a look!

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/06/what-do-divorced-and-repartnered-dads-really-want-for-fathers-day/feed/ 5 What to do about a stepchild in a loyalty bind? How about…less! http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/05/what-to-do-about-a-stepchild-in-a-loyalty-bind-how-about-less/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/05/what-to-do-about-a-stepchild-in-a-loyalty-bind-how-about-less/#comments Wed, 18 May 2011 15:36:35 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1375

If his kids are in a loyalty bind, take care of YOU

Joanne Richard wrote this article about stepchildren and adult stepchildren in loyalty binds and what a stepmother “should” do to improve the situation. My answer was…nothing! Joanne also quotes my colleague and good friend Dr. Rachelle Katz, author of The Happy Stepmother, one of the only reasearch-based books out there for stepmothers other than my own. Hope you will have a read…and leave a comment.

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/05/what-to-do-about-a-stepchild-in-a-loyalty-bind-how-about-less/feed/ 26 Happy Other’s Day http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/05/happy-others-day/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/05/happy-others-day/#comments Sun, 08 May 2011 19:23:49 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1372
No, that’s not a typo. Some of you who read my blog are mothers who also have stepchildren. Some of you are straight up stepmothers, and today is likely more complicated for you than it is for those stepmothers who also have kids of their own.

Yes, I just said that, “kids of their own.” Because as anyone who reads my blog knows, I am not one of those people who urges you to think of yourself as their “other mother” or a mom figure or like a mom in any way. Unless you want a whole world of trouble, loyalty binds, and resentment heaped upon you. Instead, women with stepkids can feel free to consider the whole range of options available to us–from very involved, if kids and their mom are okay with that, to not very involved at all, just a welcoming presence. There’s a whole stepmothering spectrum, and sentimentalizing and romanticizing how the “bond” between women and their stepkids of any age “should” be only sets us up for hurt and disappointment.

If your husband’s kids didn’t call you for Mother’s Day, that might just be the very best development ever. Most likely, they have a mom, and being in touch with you today could make them feel disloyal to her. It’s not about your efforts, which have been wonderful, or your personality, which I know is far from wicked. It’s just that, since parents and stepparents are not the same, it’s different. Happy Other’s Day to you. Because you’re more than “another mother”–you’re a person with the freedom to live this relationship with his kids that way that feels authentic to you.

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Just a couple of girls in fabulous hats...


I’m soooo tired of this royal wedding hubbub, but I had to write about it anyway. Hope you will have a look at my latest post for psychologytoday.com about Camilla, Kate, and the royal wedding…and tell me about it, DO YOU HAVE A STEPFAMILY WEDDING STORY?

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/04/stepmonster-in-law-camilla-v-kate-lessons-for-commoners/feed/ 5 Matzoh and Jellybeans: What interfaith couples can learn from Stepfamilies http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/04/matzoh-and-jellybeans-what-interfaith-couples-can-learn-from-stepfamilies/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/04/matzoh-and-jellybeans-what-interfaith-couples-can-learn-from-stepfamilies/#comments Thu, 21 Apr 2011 15:45:35 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1364

Kosher for Easter

Do you do a seder, Easter Sunday, neither, both? Hope you will have a look at my latest post for psychologytoday.com. As it turns out, interfaith couples can learn a lot from stepfamilies…

]]> http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/04/matzoh-and-jellybeans-what-interfaith-couples-can-learn-from-stepfamilies/feed/ 0 Buddhism for Stepmothers http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/04/buddhism-for-stepmothers/ http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2011/04/buddhism-for-stepmothers/#comments Thu, 07 Apr 2011 23:25:34 +0000 admin http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/?p=1360 What women with stepchildren can’t relate to what Pema Chodron writes: “The saddest thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment.”

Are you angry about the past and anxious about the future?

Many of our stepmothering dilemmas are beyond our control–stressors abound in a repartnership with a man with children. But our responses to stress are, thankfully, something we can take charge of.

What part of your day is given over to ruminating over the past–the way his children and/or ex mistreated you or him, for example–or worrying about what may happen in the future? (What will his daughter’s weekend visit be like this time? What horrible thing will his ex wife do to undermine it? Etc.)? How might choosing to focus on living in the present moment help you and improve your marriage or partnership?

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